I don´t know who I am anymore. I think I have never known. And I´m not even sure I want to know. I´ve discovered so many new sides of myself in the last past six months that I even manage to amaze myself everytime. And believe me, they´re not all that positive. Why are people always scared of their true feelings? Never admit. People are afraid of being alone. It´s better to have "someone" than no one. It´s kind of sad. I can´t help but wonder have I done the same all these years - knowing it but never really facing it. Right this moment, that man is the one I want to be with. But sometimes I´m afraid of my own feelings. What I might feel/think in a few years. I can´t imagine my life without him. Ever. Sometimes he feels more like a dear friend than a boyfriend or a fiancé. I don´t know. Maybe I´m expecting too much. In fact, I know I am. Am I expecting someone to sweep me off my feet? What is this...have I forgotten? Did he do that when we met? In a way, yes. But not the way I had dreamed since I was a little girl. Maybe it´s time to forget the "fantasy" and face the reality... How many times have I told myself to put the past behind and move on with my life, with the real people in my life at the moment. As the years go by I will end up thinking where did it all go... Never settle for the second best.

We went to H´s friend´s graduation party last Saturday. It was fun... We stayed there for over 4 hours. There was this man, friend´s relative. We sat in the same table, but didn´t talk at first. As I and H were talking with another man, I saw him staring - following the conversation. MY.GOD. Those eyes. They were like magic. I have never seen a man with so beautiful and bright blue eyes. He looked very familiar. He´s a singer but I didn´t know that at the time...The whole evening I kept thinking I´ve seen him somewhere. Then I realised he looked like him. (R.I.P) So, I hadn´t seen him before. *grins* The way he made contact, listened to what I had to say...put millions of butterflies in my tummy. Heheh. Even H said there was something in his eyes, you just couldn´t stop staring at them. Maybe it was the way he looked right into my eyes, so intense, when he talked to me. I could feel my socks twirl. :D Uh oh. I thanked God I wore make up so he couldn´t see me blush. Haha. Well, I think he didn´t. Oh, such a great evening.

Hey, I got my new kitchen curtains. But they turned out to be too long. I have to do something about that tomorrow if I have time... They look kind of pale in that pic, because of the light but I think they fit well and look good. :)

I´m getting sleepy... So that might just be the best excuse to humour you people with this that might not even be funny to anyone else but finns...

Mmm. I think it´s time for my beauty sleep now.