Tell me where I stand, so I can make up my mind...

There were two students from my class at this work practise, me and this guy... Working together for four weeks was an, hmm how should I put it, expanding experience. He is so much fun. He has always been the class clown *in a positive way* I got to know him a little better in these past weeks. He is much more than just a happy face and great jokes. We have worked together before but they have been big wards where students don´t really even work together much. I´m pretty sure he saw a new side of me, too. I saw him at the super market earlier today. We run into each other outside school all the time. "What is this, you are spying on me." I said. "Yeah. We have to stop meeting like this... ;)" I´m not blind. He flirts. My god, he flirts. I could feel my cheeks turn red... And I don´t normally blush. (No matter what you say, F. :D) He just broke up with his girlfriend. There was this nurse that tutored him. She was awesome. It was always so much fun working with her..she was a married 39 year old good-looking brunette. Oh my. You could see the sparks between them! It was rather interesting, I´d say... Definately. While working with her the time just flew. I almost forgot I was there as a student. I had forgotten work can be that exciting and fun. Mmm. I think I´ve found my place.

My skin is just horrible. My face. I don´t know if it´s the stress... *sighs* My skin has always been very good but after giving up on the pill it´s been more or less like this. Thank god summer is coming and the sun will make it a bit better.

H is annoying me. He just doesn´t know it. Last night when he was talking to his bitchy ex *not the one complained about before* on MSN. I came standing beside him, asking him if I could check my emails. Apparently they were just finishing their conversation. "Ohh, and don´t forget to send me more of those pictures. I REALLY liked them." This was from H to his ex. Ohh PLEASE. I´m just too bitchy to even start. When H was at his parents last weekend, there is NO doupt. He has called her. I know him. I know I sound childish and annoying about this sometimes. He thinks it´s completely innocent and in a way I believe it is. But it´s the way he talks. It gives me chills. It´s disappointing, in a way. That is what I mainly feel about all this. Why he´s never like that with me??? Sometimes I´m not even sure I know or want to know what his true feelings are. I tell him to make up his mind. He says there is nothing to decide. Is it me? My insecurities, lack of self-confidence and self-esteem raising their head. Right now I have decided to concentrate on my studying and finding a job for the summer. It´s about time I do something I want to. Not what he wants and is expecting me to do. Or anyone else in that matter... I have been so busy trying to figure out what I want that I have lost the chance to know the real me.